My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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