happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We need to get me chipped asap
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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