is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize