So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
