hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
