I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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