her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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