sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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