At least make sure they are 18
Why
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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