im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
