I wannas sexs uuuuu
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
