I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
