why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
