ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
