i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
