I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
