I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
