NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
