Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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