If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
