I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
