Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
