My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
