Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
