is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
