Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
