if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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