I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
