Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You need Xanax blowdarts
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
