This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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