I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
