All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
