So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
