Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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