Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can text with my tongue
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
