4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
