I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Boobs speak an international language.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
