Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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