I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
