Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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