I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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