i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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