im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
