Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
