you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
