When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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