mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
