If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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