Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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