i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
