Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
