He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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