the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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