I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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