im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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