47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
