The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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