I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
