He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he was CRYING into my vagina
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
