Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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