Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
