Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
