i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
the liver wants what the liver wants
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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