so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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